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Hope for holding on to the memories of you, not the relationship that we had

Poetic prose of reminiscence and fear that our memories may fade away one day.

I don’t have a single picture of you.
But the thought of you has not yet escaped my mind.
I worry that one day I will forget you
That I won’t be able to accurately describe the events that passed between you and I. Our past had intertwined for just a short period of time. I was nothing but a blip in your timeline. However, somehow, you feel ever present in mine.

The memory of you is nearly omnipresent in my mind. Somehow I wonder if this will pass and I hope that it will last at the same time.

I wanted you to be with me, but not feel pressured to be mine.
You were everything that I wanted in a partner — except present.
You were everything that I wanted in love — except consistent.

You disappeared in a glance. I blinked, and you were gone. I couldn’t bring myself to look for you. I just fell into a deep sleep. I woke up, and you returned, but only for a second. You were always so hesitant, so careful. Such a mystical, mysterious man.

Maybe what had drawn me to you was that I was just writing you love letters in the sand. I knew that they would wash away. You were too much for me. We couldn’t have made it. We couldn’t have lasted. Our differences were so dramatic — in background, in age, in interests, and apparently, intentions.

But some part of me saw you as a challenge.
You were my love project — my ill-fated mission.

Now, my hope is that I don’t forget you. That I don’t forget us and all of the good times that we had. The places in the city that you showed me, the way that you would tightly hold me in your strong, yet gentle embrace.
I will miss how you would bend down to hear me speak softly into your ear.
Some part of me will always love you for that.
For the love that you gifted me in your own way.

It pains me to think that one day you may be nothing more than a forgotten part of my murky past. I hope that’s not true. Even though I no longer want you, I hope that our memories will last. Until my last days, until I leave this universe, until I pass…

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the mindful comedown.