It might hurt for a while, but that’s just a part of the comedown.
How do people do this thing where they fall in love and stay together? Do they fall in love at the same time? Do they both miss each other when they’re apart? How do people find their feelings reciprocated and their emotions balanced? How do people overcome the challenge of wanting to leave?
As soon as things feel too intense, as they often do with me, I want to flee. I want to run away from the impending pain of abandonment. The brokenness. It hurts. There is so much pain and so much baggage. You’re the brunt of things that you didn’t even do, but because of my damage, I can’t trust you. I miss you, and you don’t miss me. You can’t reciprocate my emotions. I’m not sure if it’s because you’re not paying attention to me and what I am saying or if you really just don’t care. Not that much. Ugh. Here come the tears. And if you can’t handle an “I missed seeing you”, then I’m sure that you can’t handle the tears, the unfounded fears of abandonment.
What have I gotten myself into? What have I put you into without you knowing? I know that you will be fine. You’re a balanced man, all grownup, a full man. And me, well, I am just a fragile, little beast. Hairy and small. Big heart made of glass. It shattered, and cut me open. So I don’t have much to offer anymore. It still tries to love, but it malfunctions. Too soon or never. Those are the only options that it has left.
I think that I have scared you off with my monstrous love. I miss you. I wanted you to know, but I realize now that you’re already gone.
Relationships can be tough to navigate. If you find yourself feeling like this, see my guide on how to comedown gracefully from the highs of a broken relationship: https://mindful-comedown.art/2021/08/18/relationship-comedown/
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