I will be treated with decency in every circumstance, in love, in hate, and in all that resides in between. You should demand this, too.
I am not your toy.
I am not something that can be picked up and put down whenever it is convenient for you.
I am not your doll. I will not be made into something for your benefit,
But to my downfall.
I am not your sometimes. I am your “all the time,” or “never.”
I am human.
And I will be treated as such by every measure.
Or watch me leave, watch me disappear. For now and forever.
Chances are limited.
I’ve given you too many.
It’s this one or that one.
I swear,
Haven’t we done this already?
The feeling is all too familiar. This story line is on repeat. This hell loop. This impending doom. It’s happened before, just not with us two.
I’ve been here not too long ago. And here we are again,
To our surprise.
But let me tell you this—
This isn’t your playtime.
I am not your toy.
I am not a little girl.
Nor are you a little boy.
We have feelings, thoughts, and emotions. And I refuse to just go through the motions with you. To pretend as if I am just your kiss. Just someone for you to miss when you could be wherever you want to be.
I gave you all the chances to simply choose me.
I will not be deluded into believing that you’re just too silly to recognize what you’ve done.
Our time is done.
If an inanimate object, devoid of preferences, needs, and feelings is want you desire…
Then, definitively, our time has expired.
I am human.
And utterly tired.
Not something to be conquered nor acquired
When you feel inspired to love.
I’d rather sit here alone, peacefully, instead of letting my heart be intermittently caressed, then battered.
If there’s one thing I know,
I will not walk away from this shattered.
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the mindful comedown.