Sometimes, we need to let people go, even when we don’t want to. We have to be strong enough to recognize when it’s in our best interest to leave.
I thought of you when I woke up this morning. You were either the first or third scene that came across my mind. I thought of the times that we’ve spent together. I replayed our long walks hand in hand in the cold of the winter, bike rides through the city streets, and how you would look at me and smirk when we first met eyes after nervously staring down at the floor, at our feet.
I imagined what would happen if we continued along this path. I worried about how I would feel if our paths departed. Would I be empty hearted? Would I feel broken again?
How is it that the same person who makes me feel happy is the one who makes me feel like I need to heal? It’s as if I’m so close to feeling damaged. The need for my heart to mend is pending.
I wanted to think that we were winning, that we were a good team. It was you and me against the odds of this world, lying next to each other underneath the shade of trees. Refusing the ideals of this world in attempts to craft our own. But are our differences just too much for us to build a stable home?
How is it that you measure our worth? I wonder how much you value our relationship.
Where do I fit on your hierarchy of priorities? And how can I tell?
You have put me in an impossible position.
Your signals are so mixed that it’s difficult for me to listen to make sense of you saying that I’m the one who you’re missing. So why are you with her? Who exactly is she to you? A friend? What does that mean?
Honestly, as much as I would like to stay with you, it seems that it’s time for me to go.
You are such a complex enigma.
I don’t think that you understand yourself.
Like always, I’ll pick up my pieces on my own. Although I wanted you here with me, you didn’t choose me. You chose to not choose, which leads me to have to leave you.
It’s time for me to let myself out of this charade, this game, your comedy of life that you want to play. It’s this that I cannot let myself be a part of.
I cannot accept your love nor your help.
I got myself into this, and I will get out of it myself.
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