Coming down from the highs and resurfacing from the lows from a relationship unfulfilled
I don’t want to have to ask my partner to talk to me. I want him to want to. I don’t want to have to tell my partner that I need him. I just want him to be there for me. Love is a consistent choice, and I want to be chosen each day.
If I have to beg for his attention, is it really intended for me anyway, or is there something or someone else more fitting? If I have to explain to him that I miss him when he’s away, does he actually miss me? Is his absence a testament of his indifference towards me? Am I a “take it or leave it” kind of person who can be picked up and just as easily discarded?
And thrown away?
Have I somehow, unintentionally, become his rag doll, his plaything? Hmm. I wonder if the reciprocity of falling in love was just a silly dream, a delusion. Was he just an illusion to me? Because this person who I now see in front of me is not the same.
Now, I lie awake with endless questions for him. I would like for him to prove me wrong and correct my assumptions. At this moment, I would like that more than anything. I want to say to him, “choose me”, but it is all meaningless if I have to ask.
A wild ride this has been for me. A hopeful jump into the unknown. Fearfully, though, I think I know where this will go. And now I lie here and mourn something yet to have ended but is already gone.
Sometimes we fall. And sometimes we crash. I have to say that that is okay. The important thing is that we come down from the highs and that we resurface from the lows. We remember who we are at our core, and keep in mind, our light does not shine based on the approval of any other being. We are powerful, capable, and bright all on our own.
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