Fall anyway, fall whenever, and fall hard
I sometimes get this feeling of speechlessness, like a literal loss of words when I am around him. His presence calms me. His voice soothes me. I start to miss him even before we’ve left each other. Our parting goodbyes are my least favorite times of our meetings. There is no idea of “maybe I like him” or that “he will grow on me.” No, this is a feeling that I recognize but haven’t felt in quite a long time. I am falling for him in a way that I can’t take back. He makes my chilled heart a little warmer, my spirit a little kinder, and my aura a little brighter. This was unexpected and maybe ill-timed, but I won’t live in fear of falling or getting hurt.
He does not belong to me, nor I to him. We are both individual people in the world free to explore whatever or whomever is available to us. I cannot take ownership of him. If he were to choose someone other than me, though, it would hurt, at least temporarily. However, I think that the journey of this experience is worth the possibility of the pain. Meditation teaches us that everything is temporary – every thought, every emotion, every life. It all changes, and that is the beauty of the human experience.
We have to enjoy whatever moment that we are in and whatever time that the fall may come. We embrace it. How? What if it’s not the right time? That doesn’t matter. There is no right time. There is only this time – now. Take it for what it is and accept it for whatever it may become.
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